Tag Archives: Lindsay Lohan

People Search Weird Things on the Internet

I’ve been hosting my blog on WordPress for a while, no complaints. The ‘Site Stats’ portion of WordPress is amazing, I love it. I can see how many people came to my site, where the were referred from, what post they read, even what they click on. My favorite part has to be the ‘Search Terms’, it shows me what people searched (like, in Google) in order to reach my blog. I always read through them, I’d like to share some of my favorites:

‘how far cvs will slave employee’ -I wrote a post about being near a CVS, I can thankfully say that my blog does not have the answer to that question

‘lindsay lohan looking smelly’ – Every picture she’s in.

‘good morning what would you like’ – So someone is obviously really lonely, or really confused

‘would you like some coffee’ – I’m guessing this is the same person that wrote the question above

‘craigslist “john hug”’ – This one scares me. A hug in the john, or a man who is being hunted down on Craigslist?

‘snookie without clothes’ – Really?

cuddle sesh what does it mean’ – Aw, good luck, buddy.

if i were a polar bear’ – Okay, This is actually the title of a post I’ve written. It wasn’t especially poignant so I doubt it was what they were looking for. So, it begs the question, WHY?

maybe you should gag me’ – No Comment.


We’re Obsessed?

In my WordPress dashboard I can monitor the search terms that gets people to my blog. As much as I know and recognize that Facebook made me a loser it still pulls my heart strings in the wrong direction when I log on and see “Facebook Losers” has been searched in Google and they have trafficked to my blog. Ouch – but I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.

Anyway, to the point of the post. Celebrities. I’m not going to lie, I keep up on my tabloid news fodder. I started off reading Star just so I could get to the lengthy crossword puzzle in the back and then it escalated from just skipping through pictures to reading the articles bullshit.

My Idol<333

I don’t care that Lindsay Lohan is scared to be in jail because she’s claustrophobic, that Snooki got rid of her poof or if Mel Gibson is a raging lunatic. (Although after seeing for the Passion of the Christ my subconscious Jew loyalty boycotted any movie he was in/produced from then on). And yet if I don’t care why the hell do I continuously read TMZ.com, Gawker.com and obsess over DListed.com ??? (the guy who writes Dlisted.com is a comedic freakin genius…someone give this guy his own television talk show….I’d compare him to a gay man version of Chelsea Handler… actually, come to think of it, that pretty much describes Chelsea Handler)

My favorite Anti-Semite ❤

For me it’s like watching an accident. It’s just so ridiculously horrible that you can’t look away. The more bloody, unusual and heinous the longer you…err well the longer I stare. Because even when I read the tabs, I skip over the “good” stories and read only the train wrecks. Perfect Body? No thank you, I have ten pounds to lose. Happily Married? Don’t care, I’m still single. New Movie? Psh I haven’t even gotten my ideal career path on track yet. On the oh-so-delightful-other hand; Drug Addiction? Let’s hope it’s meth, everybody looks like a zombie on meth. Nasty Divorce? Haha, not actually the perfect couple you’re portrayed to be…how does it feel to be normal? Daddy Issues? Yes! Please make your therapy sessions public information, thank you.

Can you imagine being in the tabloids? Your whole life plastered around the world for strangers to gawk at and judge. And yet many people, including myself wouldn’t mind a stab at fame.

Muh Gurl Snooks

I think that there should be a common folk tabloid that’s sent to celebrities. It should be called Un-Famous, Homo-sapiens Digest or Real Life. Articles would be centered around our mothers clipping coupons,ARE THEY IN A FINANCIAL SINK HOLE?, sisters arguing about missing clothes, MISSING SUNDRESS: THIS MEANS WAR and friends gathering to hang out, JENNA AND HER FRIENDS HAVE A PARTY: MAYHEM ENSUES.

As boring as being normal is I’m sure even the regular person’s tabloid writers would find creative ways to take our ordinary lives out of context:

Jenna catches rays on the luscious beaches of Davis Park, NY with a friend...sources say it's her girlfriend

Jenna Pere was spotted at the Old Spanish Tavern in Oneonta, a close unidentified friend drops a bomb on her

A fight ensues - police refused to comment

This just in...Jenna is actually a vampire.

Add your own tabloid photos & captions to my Facebook Fan Page – If I get enough responses my next request will become a contest – prize included 😉

Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to RedditAdd to StumbleUponAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Twitter