In my WordPress dashboard I can monitor the search terms that gets people to my blog. As much as I know and recognize that Facebook made me a loser it still pulls my heart strings in the wrong direction when I log on and see “Facebook Losers” has been searched in Google and they have trafficked to my blog. Ouch – but I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.
Anyway, to the point of the post. Celebrities. I’m not going to lie, I keep up on my tabloid news fodder. I started off reading Star just so I could get to the lengthy crossword puzzle in the back and then it escalated from just skipping through pictures to reading the articles bullshit.
I don’t care that Lindsay Lohan is scared to be in jail because she’s claustrophobic, that Snooki got rid of her poof or if Mel Gibson is a raging lunatic. (Although after seeing for the Passion of the Christ my subconscious Jew loyalty boycotted any movie he was in/produced from then on). And yet if I don’t care why the hell do I continuously read TMZ.com, Gawker.com and obsess over DListed.com ??? (the guy who writes Dlisted.com is a comedic freakin genius…someone give this guy his own television talk show….I’d compare him to a gay man version of Chelsea Handler… actually, come to think of it, that pretty much describes Chelsea Handler)
For me it’s like watching an accident. It’s just so ridiculously horrible that you can’t look away. The more bloody, unusual and heinous the longer you…err well the longer I stare. Because even when I read the tabs, I skip over the “good” stories and read only the train wrecks. Perfect Body? No thank you, I have ten pounds to lose. Happily Married? Don’t care, I’m still single. New Movie? Psh I haven’t even gotten my ideal career path on track yet. On the oh-so-delightful-other hand; Drug Addiction? Let’s hope it’s meth, everybody looks like a zombie on meth. Nasty Divorce? Haha, not actually the perfect couple you’re portrayed to be…how does it feel to be normal? Daddy Issues? Yes! Please make your therapy sessions public information, thank you.
Can you imagine being in the tabloids? Your whole life plastered around the world for strangers to gawk at and judge. And yet many people, including myself wouldn’t mind a stab at fame.
I think that there should be a common folk tabloid that’s sent to celebrities. It should be called Un-Famous, Homo-sapiens Digest or Real Life. Articles would be centered around our mothers clipping coupons,ARE THEY IN A FINANCIAL SINK HOLE?, sisters arguing about missing clothes, MISSING SUNDRESS: THIS MEANS WAR and friends gathering to hang out, JENNA AND HER FRIENDS HAVE A PARTY: MAYHEM ENSUES.
As boring as being normal is I’m sure even the regular person’s tabloid writers would find creative ways to take our ordinary lives out of context:
Add your own tabloid photos & captions to my Facebook Fan Page – If I get enough responses my next request will become a contest – prize included 😉